


chocolate pudding and milk-bread

by sadnoodles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:56:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27339796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadnoodles/pseuds/sadnoodles
Summary: Iwaizumi is afraid of loving and the loss that comes with it. until he meets oikawa, a cheery boy whos a master at putting up a front. iwaizumi soon learns what love is like inside hospital walls and prepares for the pain of losing his first and only love.au where on your birthday you get writing on your skin, showing how long until you die. iwaizumi a boy yearning for less time finds a reason to live in a place where most come to die.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 11





	chocolate pudding and milk-bread

at the age of 18 a countdown appears on a persons body, showing how long they have left. usually fate is kind, giving the youth all the time they need to truly live. giving them shared time with the one they love, so they can have their own eternity together, and rest together.  
sometimes fate is not so kind.

iwaizumi woke to the blinding lights and plastic smell of the hospital. even with the sound of the beeping of machines and the shuffling of feet it was still..quiet. to quiet. he had been brought to the hospital last night after overworking himself at practice and fainting. There was no worry on his face however, he would not die in this hospital because he had time. So much time. still, he checked his palm, where his timer was. each person had theirs in a unique place. yep still got time, about 40 more years to be exact. he wouldn’t die in this hospital. why would someone even need that much time anyway? what was he to do? get a job, work, and then.. die? what a life.   
he was knocked out of his morbid thoughts by the sound of a nurse entering.   
"oh your up! well thats good. we want to keep you here for one more night just to be safe, but youll be discharged tomorrow given that everything is ok."   
iwaizumi nodded. he didnt mind hospitals. they were usually calm. sure, lonely, but everywhere else he went is lonely to. he had friends.. but not close ones. getting close with people just sets you up for headache anyway. his mother had described love as flowers in your heart that someone plants. beautiful but with the potential for so much harm. at any time those flowers could be ripped out, doing so much damage. he wouldnt be allowing any flowers to take root in his heart.

the dining hall was even brighter than his hospital room. he kept his eyes trained on his turkey sandwich to avoid squinting and almost didnt notice when someone pulled out the chair next to him. "heyyyy nice sandwich you got there" iwaizumi lifted his eyes to meet this stranger. he was tall with poofy brown hair that stuck out and looked as if it was just styled and chocolate brown eyes that had a twinke in them iwaizumi had never seen before. his lips were turned up in a smirk and he wore a hospital gown same as iwaizumi and he smelled of strawberries. "my names Oikawa. whats yours?"  
"Iwaizumi" he looked around noticing there were plenty of other open seats. "Can i help you?"   
"can i call you iwa-chan? im going to! iwa-chan iwa-chan. it has such a nice ring to it!" said Oikawa, ignoring the question. "what are you in for?"  
"i fainted but im ok now. you?" he said. Oikawa waved him off as if him being in the hospital was no big deal. "i get really bad headaches to they’re just running tests! anyways this has been fun but i have to go. ill stop by your room later!" iwaizumi couldnt even ask him how he knew his room number before he was gone. skipping out of the room like someone who had just one the lottery. "how childish." he though, and yet he found himself looking forward to Oikawas visit. 

iwaizumi had brought 2 containers of chocolate pudding to his room as he waited for oikawa. the sun went down and he started to think oikawa wouldnt show up but then his door burst open and in came the smile that felt so warm and the sweet scent of fruit.  
"IWA CHAN." Oikawa yelled as he plopped down on the bed next to iwaizumi. he rolled his eyes. "here, i got us pudding." he waved the container in the other mans face only now realizing how similar oikawas eye color was to the sugary desert. "How thoughtful of you!" said oikawa, sprouting an even brighter smile. this one made his others seem much less sincere. iwaizumi frowned at this, finding himself worried for the other. "wait why do i feel this way?" he thought, immediately burrying his worry. he locked eyes with oikawa, who was now staring at him with a gaze that could cut steel. reading him. "whats wrong" asked Oikawa, although it was less of a question and more of a comand for iwaizumi to open up. which he would not be doing. "Nothing sorry i was just spacing off."   
"captivated by my good looks? i have that effect on people" oikawa laughed, but iwaizumi knew he didnt mean it. oikawas comment was more of a mutual understanding that he was uncomfortable and wanted the discussion to be changed. he was almost thankful for the other mans overbearing attitude. 

They spent the rest of the night talking about everything. their mutual interest in volleyball, oikawas love of milkbread, their favorite movies, music , books. ect. it felt so natural. with each witty comment oikawa threw, iwaizumi combatted it with a sigh or an eye roll. oikawa filled the empty spaced of iwaizumis unfinished sentences with life and laughter. and when iwaizumi spoke, oikawa listened with everything. 

time flew by and by the time iwaizumi was aware that he was smiling brighter than he ever had, a nurse was there to collect oikawa and bring him back to his room. they said their goodbyes and goodnights and as the door closed behind oikawa, iwaizumi felt roots wrap around his heart.  
a flower was blooming.

iwaizumi was discharged that morning. he walked to the nearest bakery and grabbed a much needed coffee. he was hyper aware of how easy he could walk away from those white hospiatal walls, and pretend oikawa was just a distant memory. the thought was as sweet as the the sugar in his coffee. and he wanted so bad to continue his life of illusion. pretending he didnt just finally meet someone that was as warm as the sun. he couldnt get attached. what if he lost oikawa after allowing himself to love him? how could one love the sun and then live in its absence? if he never looked at the sun hed never notice it leaving. hed never have to feel the pain of losing its warmth if he was always cold. he was about to leave the bakery and his night with oikawa behind him, but his heart ached, and he realized. it was to late, he already met the sun, basked in its warmth and stared into its light. and flowers cant survive without the sun. 

He stood outside oikawas room with a bag of milkread in hand 2 more cups of puding to share. he only just registered that he had knocked after hearing a silent "come in"  
he slowly opened the door to a dark room and was emediately met with the same sweet secent of strawberries that seemed to follow oikawa everywhere. in the hospital bed lay oikawa who appeared to have just woken from a nap. he had dark circles under his eyes and iwaizumi felt bad for keeping him up sp late that night. oikawa squinted at him for a minute as his eyes adjusted to the light. a huge smile crossed his face. "missed me so much you just couldnt stay away huh?" he chuckled. but there was force behind it. like he was struggling to keep up a facade. iwaizumi scowled at being teased but nevertheless he felt his heart flutter at seeing oikawa again. he held out the milk bread. all the sleep immediately left oikawas eyes as he stared in shock. then he smiled. a real smile. "you remembered"

they spent the day together watching volleyball matches on tv and ranking the cafeteria food from horrible to more horrible. 

this became routine. iwaizumi would visit with milkbread and pudding each day in hopes of getting another genuine smile out of oikawa. hed roll his eyes and act annoyed even though he knew deep down he wouldnt want to be anywhere else. they ate together, talked, walked around the hospital and with each passing day he felt the flowers in his heart blooming. but it was ok. he had grown more and more used to them. perhaps loving wasnt so bad. 

the rain was coming down hard outside. pouding on the roof of the hospital like drums. iwaizumi walked into oikawas room with their usual snacks once again. this time he found oikawa staring out the window longingly. the dark circles were even more prominent than before and he looked.. smaller. it took him a while to notice iwaizumi entering, only turning his head when a piece of milk bread was offered to him. he shook his head stating that he wasnt hungry today. he started rambling about rain and how he missed the feeling of it on his skin. "well you only have headaches. lets go outside. but not for long though, dont want you catching a cold." said iwaizumi. oikawa looked at him with sad knowing eyes that worried iwaizumi, although he didnt know why. "thank you" said oikawa

it was tricky sneaking him out of the hospital, but not impossible. and soon the two found themselves splashing in puddles and laughing till their lungs hurt. oikawa flopped onto the ground, a muddy mess, and iwaizumi landed next to them. they were soaked and dirty but iwaizumi had never seen oikawa so happy in all their days together. "we shouldnt be out here. were soaked!"iwazumi said, although he couldnt hide his smile. oikawa turned to him, smoothing back his wet hair. he looked so beautiful, but iwaizumi wouldnt admit it. "you know iwa-chan, were born thinking we can do anything, and as we grow old we think thats silly. but who even said you cant to anything ? you just have to accept the consequences of it and not look back. then, you are free."

iwaizumi let oikawas words settle in his mind as they walked back to his room. a new spark of determination settled within him. 

iwaizumi spoke as oikawa towel dried his hair, back turned to him. "what do you think is the point of having so much time? i mean what do we do with it?"  
oikawa froze, keeping his back to iwaizumi. "maybe the point in life is to just stay alive." he answered. "because the people who feel like life has no meaning are already dead."  
iwaizumi was surprised at receaving such a sincere answer, and it inspired him to continue. "i never understood the appeal to most things in life. but now i think i get it. the things we make of this world shouldnt scare us. the flowers we allow to grow in our heart shouldnt be a bad thing. i was always so afraid to grow attached to people, to this world. i constantly wished i wasnt had less time, less time here allows for less time to grieve in the face of tragedy. but i guess i should have stopped assuming id be met with tragedy, after all, fate is usually kind." oikawa still had his back turned. "i guess what im trying to say is.. youve planted flowers in my heart. and i dont hate it. i love it. i love you."

after what felt like hours, oikawa finally turned around. he looked like a ghost. tears were running down his face, covering the twinkle that usually resides in his eyes. "dont say you wish you had less time."   
he sounded.. angry. before iwaizumi could react, oikawa had grabbed the color of his shirt and pulled him in to meet his eyes. behind the anger was a sorrow deeper than the ocean. "how can you say that?! how can you be so casual when i- when theres people whod give anything to have more time? to have more time with the one they love.." he slid to his knees, the exhaustion even more evident on his face than before. "please dont love me" he begged

suddenly it clicked. gosh how could he have been so stupid. how could he have missed the signs. of course oikawa wasnt living in the hospital because of a headache. 

"where is it" he said. tone flat. oikawa sobbed. "let me see it!" iwaizumi yelled. "how much time?!" he was becoming desperate now, trying to convince himself that he was wrong, that fate was in fact as kind as he had convinced himself.   
oikawa slowly pointed to his chest. he began to pull down the hospital gown to reveal the writing that predicted his end. 

"3 months"

three months after oikawas birthday he would die  
"when was your birthday" iwaizumi asked  
"July 20th"

given the current date, he had one week left

iwaizumi did not cry. he couldnt. but he didjt run away. he held the crying oikawa in his arms. he would never leave. he was no longer afraid of loving, only of losing. but he wouldnt allow himself to think that yet. oikawa was still here.

"i still love you. and i wont leave"

oikawa looked up at him and smiled. it was real. "im sorry" he wispered. "dont apologize" said iwaizumi

"i love you to"

4 days later

iwaizumi walked into the strawberry scented room eyeing the uneaten milkbread on the counter. oikawa was sleeping, the sounds of his breathing just audible over the beeping of his heart monitor. his cheeks were hollowed out after losing weight and his eyes seemed sunken in. iwaizumi held his hand and realized solemnly that they were ice cold. his usual warmth gone. he draped a blanket over the sleeping body in hopes of easing the cold. but he knew it was futile. you cant warm the sun. oikawa stirred, wincing in pain. when he noticed iwaizumi he smilled. "morning sleepyhead" oikawa only smiled, to tired to speak. the room was much to quiet without the sound of his voice. 

it was the end of the week and oikawas eyes were closed. he was so pale. iwiwazumi held his hand as he struggled to breath. the smell of strawberries slowly fading, and yet the flowers in iwaizumis heart continued to grow, beautiful and bright, a reminder of what he would soon be losing. 

oikawa slwoly opened his eyes to look at iwaizumi, he used his last bit if strength to squeeze the other boys hand. "iwa-chan.. ill.. be waiting to..when we see eachother again.. lets.. plant a garden together." with that his eyes slipped closed. his hand slipped out of iwaizumis grasp but he was quick to grab it again. to hold on.

iwaizumi could barely hear the sound of oikawa flatlining over the pounding of his heart,

he was screaming. 

finally the tears came. 

he begged with everything he had. he breathed in the last remnants of strawberry and he held on. he couldnt feel anything. he was clawing at his own skin with grief as he felt his beautiful bouquet of flowers be torn from his heart. 

iwaizumi died in that hospital.

a few years later  
iwaizumi left the bakery with milkbread in hand. he walked to the park at sat by the wildflowers. each a different color. they rustled in the wind as he knelt down to smell them. basking i their beauty. "im waiting"


End file.
